Internal Family Systems or IFS, is a treatment modality that addresses all parts of ourselves, including the unhealthy behaviors and thoughts that “kept us safe” throughout traumatic childhoods. Books can also be great resources I recommend “ I'm Not Alone.” Adults may want to find a therapist who specializes in trauma. If you’re a teen, you can reach out to your school's guidance counselor, a teacher, relative or friend. So, what can you do if you grew up with parents or siblings experiencing mental illness, or in a family with a history of abuse or neglect? Seek Help I speak publicly about my experiences and what others can do if they’re in a similar situation. I still live with C-PTSD, but now I can recognize my triggers and thought patterns and practice self-compassion. Soon, I could let go of several toxic relationships, a demeaning job and even start my own business. So, I started learning and practicing daily self-soothing and mind/body techniques to alleviate my symptoms. When I finally accepted the truth about my parents' mental illnesses, I realized that the shame and perfectionism that helped me survive my childhood was no longer useful. It took a skilled therapist to help me realize that, due to my childhood trauma, I was suffering from complex posttraumatic stress disorder ( C-PTSD), and that I was unconsciously replaying a familiar father/daughter dynamic. I repeated this pattern until my late-40s when I found myself in a paralyzing depression while living with a man who behaved just like my father. As a young woman, I chose to stay close to my emotionally unavailable, controlling partners and swallowed my needs to gain their approval. I blamed myself for my new-school-nerves, my bed-wetting, my lack of focus I convinced myself I was defective or different from other kids.įor years, this self-shaming helped me dismiss my father's abuse and mother's neglect. Determined to please them at all costs, I became obsessed with fitting in. I lived in a permanent state of hyper-vigilance, constantly attuned to my father's erratic moods and my mother's helplessness. I was the family mediator, calming down a frightened father and comforting a sad, lonely mother. But in 1970, I had never heard the words “mental illness.” Ashamed and frightened, I was convinced no one would believe me, so I hid my chaotic home life from everyone. My dad suffered from what I now know was severe OCD with psychotic delusions, and my mom struggled with depression and dependent personality disorder ( DPD). Maybe you’ve spent your childhood watching your mother or father struggle with anxiety, depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder ( OCD). Maybe you’re a young adult still living at home or maybe, like me, you've been on your own for some time. But what do you do if you have a mental illness, and you were raised by parents who also have mental illness? I've also chatted with concerned parents who are seeking help for their recently diagnosed child. As a mental health advocate, I've listened to many brave souls share their stories about living with mental illness.